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16 Jun 2016

Darlene Lancer

The phrase codependency has been in existence for almost 4 decades. Though it originally placed on spouses of alcoholics, first called co-alcoholics, research said you will of codependents were far more prevalent within the general population than have been imagined. The truth is, they found out that if you were raised inside a dysfunctional family or had an ill parent, the chances are you're codependent. Don't feel bad if that includes you. Most families in America are dysfunctional, so that covers almost everybody, you enter the majority! In addition they found that codependent symptoms got worse if untreated, but the good news was that they are reversible.

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Here's a list of symptoms. Don't need to have got all of these to become qualified as codependent.

* Low self-esteem

Not feeling you're sufficient or comparing you to ultimately others is often a sign of low self-esteem. The tricky aspect of self-esteem is always that some individuals think highly of themselves, however it is just a camouflage for really feeling unlovable or inadequate. Underneath, usually hidden from consciousness, are feelings of shame. Some of the items that go with low self-esteem are guilt feelings and perfectionism. If it is all totally perfect, that you do not feel unhealthy of you.

* People pleasing

It's fine to require to impress someone close, but codependents usually don't even think these people have a choice. Saying "No" causes them anxiety. Some codependents have trouble saying "No" to anyone. They're going from their way and sacrifice their very own must accommodate others.

* Poor Boundaries

Boundaries are form of an imaginary line between you and others. It divides up what's yours and another woman's, and that applies not just to your system, money, and belongings, but additionally on your feelings, thoughts as well as. That's especially where codependents end up in trouble. They've got blurry or weak boundaries between themselves yet others. They think responsible for other people's feelings and problems or blame their own on somebody else.

Some codependents have rigid boundaries. They're closed off and withdrawn, making it challenging for other folks to get near them. Sometimes, people flip back and forth between having weak boundaries and rigid ones.

* Reactivity

A result of poor boundaries is you answer everyone's feelings and thoughts. When someone says something disagree with, you can either trust it or become defensive. You absorb their words, because there's no boundary. Having a boundary, you'd be aware of it was only their opinion and never a mirrored image of you and not feel threatened by disagreements.

* Caretaking

Another aftereffect of poor boundaries is that if another individual carries a problem, you want to assist them to the matter that you allow up yourself. It's natural to feel empathy and sympathy for an individual, but codependents start putting other folks ahead of themselves. In fact, they must help and may also feel rejected if another individual doesn't want help. Moreover, they keep wanting to help and connect your partner, regardless if see your face clearly isn't taking their advice.

* Control

Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. Everyone needs control button over events in their lives. You wouldn't want to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, however for codependents, control limits power they have to adopt risks and share their feelings. Sometimes they have got a dependancy that either helps them loosen up, like alcoholism, or assists them to hold their feelings down, like workaholism, so that they don't feel out of hand.

Codependents also need to control those near to them, since they need other people to behave inside a certain way to feel okay. Actually, people pleasing and caretaking enable you to control and manipulate people. Alternatively, codependents are bossy and let you know what you ought to or shouldn't do. This can be a violation of someone else's boundary.

* Dysfunctional communication

Codependents find it difficult with regards to communicating their thoughts, feelings and requirements. Obviously, unless you read your comments, feel or need, this gets a problem. In other cases, you know, but you won't admit your truth. You're afraid to become truthful, as you shouldn't upset another individual. As an alternative to saying, "I don't like that," you could pretend that it's okay or tell someone how to proceed. Communication becomes dishonest and confusing whenever you attempt to manipulate your lover away from fear.

* Obsessions

Codependents often spend their time contemplating other people or relationships. This is a result of their dependency and anxieties and fears. Glowing become obsessed after they think they've made or might make a "mistake."

Sometimes it is possible to lapse into fantasy regarding how you would like what to be or someone complain about you like so that you can avoid the pain with the present. There are numerous ways in which to stay denial, discussed below, however it keeps you living your daily life.

* Dependency

Codependents need others to like these phones feel okay about themselves and they are generally fearful of negativity or abandoned - regardless of whether they could function independently. Others have to always be within a relationship, since they feel depressed or lonely when they are by themselves for too much time. This trait causes it to be a hardship on them to end a relationship, even when the relationship is painful or abusive. They start to feel trapped.

* Denial

One of the problems people face to get help for codependency is the fact that they're in denial about it, meaning that they just don't face their problem. Usually they believe the thing is another person or situation. They either keep complaining or attempting to fix your partner, or change from one relationship or job to a new rather than own up the fact that they have a problem.

Codependents also deny their feelings and needs. Quite often, they do not know what they are feeling and they are instead devoted to what other people feeling. It's the same for his or her needs. They take note of other's needs and never their particular. They may be in denial of the requirement of space and autonomy. However some codependents seem needy, others act like they're self-sufficient with regards to needing help. They will not connect and possess trouble receiving. They are in denial with their vulnerability and wish for love and intimacy.

* Problems with intimacy

By this That's not me speaking about sex, although erectile dysfunction is generally a reflection of the intimacy problem. I'm speaking about being open and close with someone in an relationship. Due to the shame and weak boundaries, you may fear you will be judged, rejected, or left. However, you may fear smothered within a relationship and losing your autonomy. You may deny your requirement of closeness and believe your companion wants too much of your time and energy; your companion complains that you're unavailable, but he or she is denying his or her dependence on separateness.

* Painful emotions

Codependency creates stress and contributes to painful emotions. Shame and occasional self-esteem create anxiety and fear about:

Being judged

Denial or abandoned

Making mistakes

Being a failure

Being close and feeling trapped

Being alone

The opposite symptoms bring about feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair. If the feelings are too much, you are able to feel numb.

Help is for recovery and modify. Step one is becoming guidance and support. These symptoms are deeply ingrained habits and hard to spot and alter by yourself. Join a Twelve Step program, including Codependents Anonymous or seek counseling. Develop increasingly assertive and building your self-esteem.


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